first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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