I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
