In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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