I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
