Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
