i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
