I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
