tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
