What a fucking waste of an outfit
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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