my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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