I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
