i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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