kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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