Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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