I wish life had little blips of pornography
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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