she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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