Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
