Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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