you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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