Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
