my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
