Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
