I met the friendliest cop last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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