My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
40s are totally the cure
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
