He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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