you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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