I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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