just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
