It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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