of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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