The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
