my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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