there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
