I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
