Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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