Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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