dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Let's get the cat blown out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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