Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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