I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
