I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
