I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
