if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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