i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
