Just cropdusted the office
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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