she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
