If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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