This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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