while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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