He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
