I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
