I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
