i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
