I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
