you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
