Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
